Should In-laws Get Involved In Family Crisis without Formal Involvement?
Categories: Article, Colour of Love, Emotional Health, Inspirational, Lifestyle,
Quarrels are common with siblings who were raised by the same parent, so when two people from different homes and with different beliefs get married, it is normal for conflicts to arise.
In this article, we would be talking about conflicts in marriage, the intrusion of extended family, its effects, as well as how and when couples should seek help.
We would also be looking at a celebrity marriage and how in-laws got involved, and Its Effects on the marriage.
Expect to learn a thing or more on how to draw the line in conflict resolutions.
The Annie and Tuface story would serve as an example because they are both public figures, and a lot of people look up to them, this would also help you know that not everything your favourite celebrity does is correct and should be copied.
Are Issues Inevitable In Marriage?
When people stay together at home, work, school, church, even among siblings of the same parents, there would often be misunderstandings and unfair play.
No doubt this can be reduced to a minimum level but it cannot be completely rolled out.
Since conflicts are sometimes inevitable, couples need to learn how to handle them.
Very quickly you would be tempted to involve parents and siblings, which is not bad, but it becomes a terrible sight if those involved do not handle these issues maturely.
Don't Be In A Hurry To Discuss Your Marital Issues With A Third Party
Involving a third party in a marital issue should be the very last resort, I mean it should be the last thing that comes to your mind when you have exhausted all other options to sorting marital problems.
It is also important you know that no one would know of any issues unless you involve them.
Know who you are discussing with, and why you are discussing it, and also how mature that person is not to judge your spouse or begin to behave disrespectfully towards your spouse.
Let me give this example, let's say your spouse committed adultery and you hurriedly call your mom, dad, brothers, and sisters to tell them of what had just happened in the heat of the situation.
Now, over time you have a discussion and you choose to let go and forgive your spouse. Would your parents or those you had discussions with also forgive and forget?
Furthermore, when you have certain discussions with your parents and siblings, and you paint your spouse bad, you have subtly planted a seed of hate or disrespect in the heart of that person.
Even when the said issue has been resolved that person would still see your spouse in some type of way, and any little opportunity the person would not hesitate to express how he/she feels.
Case Study: Tuface and Annie Idibia
It's no news that Annie took to social media to vent at her husband; you can see details on that in the previous post on taking marital issues to social media.
Although that was a disastrous thing to do, another wrong thing was Tuface's brother responding to her and putting out all the wrongs she has ever done.
To make the matter worse, he was assisted by his wife.
How did the superstar's brother know all of this if Tuface never told him about it? And of course, he shared what his brother told him in confidence to his wife. Maybe she would also discuss it with a few other people and friends, and the chain keeps growing.
His brother was not mature enough to handle the situation.
At the slightest provocation, he poured out everything that had happened ever since Annie got married to his brother, Tuface. Unfortunately, it was on social media.
When Should In-laws Get Involved?
If ever the in-laws should get involved it should be done with wisdom.
Whoever is getting involved should be mature enough to erase the memories and never use them against either of the couples.
It is wrong to involve a third party to settle marital problems just because that person is also married. It takes more than that.
Let me remind you that No two marriages are the same.
You cannot handle someone else's marriage because you were able to handle yours, even if that person is your twin.
It is wrong for an in-law to get involved in marital issues with proper involvement.
Especially for the newlyweds, if they do not involve you, please stay away as much as possible.
At least for the first few years of their marriage. They should be allowed to learn and unlearn.
What you can do for them is to pray for them that their marriage will not fail.
And if you suspect any of the couples has a particularly bad behaviour or attitude, pray the Lord by His spirit changes such a person for the better.
In-laws can be involved when settling privately, seeing a counsellor, and speaking to your pastor fails.
Genesis 2: 24 stated clearly, that a man leaves his father and mother, and cleave to his wife.
If you are to leave your family to cleave to your wife, it is important that you also learn to leave them out.
Learn to sort the problems you have within yourselves as a couple.
I hope and pray despite our differences and challenges our marriages will not fail or hit the rocks.
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